We accumulate a lot of crap, there’s no other word for it. It was on sale, it was trendy, everyone else was getting one — these are the things we tell ourselves.  

Then, once we have enough crap, we organize it into neat little stacks of crap, that we forget about, don’t use, and rediscover only once we’ve bought more crap that we can’t find space for. At this point, you’re just buying things to clean, organize and waste your time on. If you don’t enjoy what you have, why are you keeping it?

This is how I personally got started on minimalism, which can be summed up as owning nothing you don’t “know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.” – William Morris. Over the last year I used that standard to declutter my entire apartment starting with my closet, more specifically, my god damn underpants, but why?

How many things do you own that are comfortable, stylish, and well fitting all at the same time?

First off, why is it bad to have a lot of useless uncomfortable crap in your wardrobe? That pretty much answers itself, but for the disbelievers here’s some more inane details: It means that your closet has become a time sink of mediocre things you don’t like, wear, and for some reason won’t get rid of. Ask yourself how many things do you own that are comfortable, stylish, and well fitting all at the same time? It’s not a very big list is it?

“Sure, but I don’t really care how I look.” Well if that were true, which it isn’t, you wouldn’t cut your hair, shave, trim your fingernails, or buy any clothing beyond a single pair of tighty whities, so let’s just dispense with the bullshit. We’re all vain, it’s not as bad as it sounds.

So how do you start being a minimalist? The answer for me was to start with something small, ideally something with a small time investment that yields a tremendous, comfortable, life changing return, which brings us back to the undies.

Yes, the undies that dark place of potential shame and discomfort. It’s one of the most overlooked areas in our wardrobes, and arguably the most important. Let’s face it, you could be wearing a kick ass bespoke suit, but if your boys feel like they’re wrapped up in wet sandpaper, it is going to be a very bad day.

Sure you’ve got a few choice pairs which are rolled out for dates just like Mom’s good china, you’ve got your everyday Honda Civics which are above all functional, and finally we have the dregs. 

We all have them, the laundry day briefs, the last resort, the old, uncomfortable, just overall bad pair, the Boondock Saints Billy Connolly, that’s only rolled out in the face of armageddon. Get rid of those manky bastards, they have not served you well.

As for the rest of the pile, this is the easiest part, you try them on and ask yourself:

Do they look good? Are they comfortable?

If you did not answer with an emphatic  “YES!” to the above two questions, those my friends are garbage. Don’t put them in the emergency pile, don’t downgrade them to gym clothes, put them in the garbage for that is where they belong, and if your agonizing over a pair that has “sentimental value”, just take a moment and think about how ridiculous you’re being.

Once you’ve culled the worst offenders, you can start replacing them. Don’t skimp. A lot of guys think they’ll save a few bucks and buy the cheap 5 packs of cotton nightmares, and wear them like a monk’s abbot until they resemble a monk’s abbot. Don’t do it.

If your boys feel like they’re wrapped up in wet sandpaper, it is going to be a very bad day.

When it comes to upgrading (because that is what you should be doing), do yourself a favour and splurge a little. Your boys and everyone else who sees you in the near buff will thank you tremendously.

I went through about a half dozen brands before landing on the drawers I have now, and honestly I’ll never go back to anything else. I am referring to SAXX, specifically their Quest 2.0 line. These things are the everyday workhorses (gym, travel, whatever you need) and if you’re not familiar with SAXX, you are now welcome.

Full disclosure, these briefs ain’t cheap, at least when compared to the aforementioned cotton nightmares.  At $30 a pair, some of you will say it’s pretty steep but consider this is something you’ll wear every day of your life; good times, bad times, your underwear gets the most use out of anything in your wardrobe, and once you’ve gone a single day in summer without your boys sticking to your leg, you’ll never go back to anything else. 

Are they comfortable? Do they ride up? Are they embarrassing? These are questions you’ll never have to worry about again when your underpants drawer is in peak fighting condition.

Now, before you get hung up on the fact that they’re $30 a pair, think back to the last time you dropped $30 at the pub, an investment you literally pissed away, and ask yourself if starting the day, looking good and feeling good, is a better deal? Not too shabby.

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need a hundred pairs of briefs, but what is the appropriate amount? Follow this formula. You wear clothes 7 days a week (I hope), you hit the gym 5 days a week, 5 and 7 is 12, and you throw in one pair extra just in case.

13 pairs. That’s it! So unless you’re doing a job which requires you to shower afterwards, and some of us do, you don’t need anymore than that, and if you’re freaking out about having an unlucky number of briefs I can’t help you…go away.

SO TO RECAP!

• Get rid of uncomfortable underwear. (Don’t bottom shelf it, throw that shit out)
• If you have less than 13 left, replace with SAXX Quest 2.0.
• Welcome to a new world of comfort, class and style.

You’re most welcome.

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